By Chris "Raiden" Grewe
Published: March 20, 2008 PrintEmail
1. - Chris Long, DE, Virginia
Chris, son of Howie, remains the top pick in the second edition of my
shammockery. As a side note, you can see how...Long...it is until the
Dolphins go on the clock on the Pigskin Heaven homepage...get it...I'm
stretching the jokes out too Long here, let's move on...
2. - Jake Long, OT, Michigan
I have every excuse to continue the Long jokes from pick 1 here, but I
shall go a different route...Jake Long gives the Rams a long term
viable replacement for the aging Orlando "I Eat Lots of Pancakes...and
Then Go Pancake Guys" Pace. My only regret here is replacing a Buckeye
legend with a Wolverine whose legend was tarnished by a Buckeye.
3. - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Atlanta needs a quarterback, mainly because current superstar
quarterback Michael Vick is unavailable...but also in part because
Chris Chandler wasn't available to come back to revitalize the
franchise...again...also, Jamal Anderson no longer does the Dirty Bird
here, but Jamaal Anderson is rumored to be interested in turning it
into the Diirty Bird...keep that under your cap...
4. - Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Glenn Dorsey's legs have been the topic of much discussion in recent
months. In going to Oakland, he'd really only have to tell the denizens
of The Black Hole that he suffered the injuries while getting into a
barfight to gain their immediate respect and approval.
5. - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
Clady represents something the Chiefs have been searching for since
Willie Roaf retired: an honest to God left tackle. With Long off the
board, Clady is the best selection for them here.
6. - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
Thomas Jones still hates me for the second consecutive Mock. The Jets
sent a few scouts to watch McFadden's workout, so forget the they're
not interested routine, they are. Other options here include Vernon
Gholston, but I'm told in New York City, his size and speed classify
him as a weapon the Jets would have to get a permit for...and I'm not
sure they want to go through that...
7. (from 49ers) - Vernon Gholston, DE/OLB, The Ohio State University
AFC East quarterbacks not named Brady (as well as all others on the
2008 Pats schedule) cringe slightly with Bill Belichick and Dean Pees
having a new weapon to play with at linebacker. All others
rejoice...until they figure out they might have to play him in the
playoffs...a monster is born...
8. - Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
LEEEEEEEEEE-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH-DIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS McKelvin,
one of those names that should echo pretty well in Baltimore during
introductions...good fit there. Also, really sounds like a really good
name of a guy to hit the Scottish bars with...and just ask Edgar Allen
Poe about the bars in Baltimore.
9. - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
The Bengals briefly considered drafting a coach capable of handling
Chad Johnson's ego and attitude here, but when Roger Goodell laughed
off the white piece of paper with "Jim Tressel, Head Coach, The Ohio
State University" scribbled on it from Bengals owner Mike Brown, they
went with their second biggest need...a defensive tackle.
10. - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
Even with the acquisition of Randall Gay as a free agent, the Saints
still have holes in their secondary. Perhaps the acquisition of a guy
from South Florida will produce results similar to when Anthony Henry
of South Florida was drafted by the Browns and had a mere 10 picks as a
rookie...just saying, what do they put in the water that breeds corners
in South Florida?
11. - James Hardy, WR, Indiana
The 11 slot has been a great one for small schools in recent years. For
example, who'd have thought a quarterback from Vanderbilt of all places
would go 11th overall a couple years ago. This time around, who'd have
thought ANY player from Indiana would go 11th overall in any football
draft held anywhere but Canada? I know Hardy's had some trouble in the
past, but really, going to Buffalo's a good fit for him...what trouble
can he possibly get into there?
12. - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
I had the privilege of watching this guy run all over my beloved
Buckeyes from the south end zone of The Horseshoe...I really really
dislike him, so I'm banishing him to the land of 1000 yard backs...why?
Because the last few seasons, guys haven't started there for more than
a year or two before someone took their job, that's why. Mwahahaha!
13. - Jeff Otah, OT,
Carolina, with the move of Travelle Wharton inside, still needs another
tackle to help their line protect Jake "The Man" Delhomme and spring
DeAngelo "Better Than Reggie" Williams for those long gains.
14. - Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
Somewhere in all the hype, I still don't buy the Brohm dropping clear
into the second round business. It's kinda like investments in the
stock market right now, I ain't buyin'. That was weak, I apologize.
15. - Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
I've always thought Jeff Backus was best suited as a right tackle in
the pros...why you ask? Because Michigan men are always better right
hand men than they are leaders...did that work at all for you? Moving
right along...Chris Williams gives Detroit a legit left tackle, ya
know, minus the 5 false starts a play.
16. - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State
The last time Tennessee State put a guy in the first round, you have go
alllllll the way back to 1974, when the Chicago Bears selected Waymond
Bryant with the fourth overall pick. The one before that...three picks
earlier, some guy named Too Tall Jones...heh, what a draft for
Tennessee State eh?
17. - Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
One of the few picks free agency changed here...Bernard Berrian gives
the Vikings a solid guy to go along with Sidney Rice. Problem here is
that they need defensive ends, healthy defensive ends, and defensive
ends that can rush the passer...Derrick Harvey gives them all of the
above, plus the added bonus of instilling fear in Ravens QB Troy Smith
whenever they play Baltimore once every four years, neat-o!
18. - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
As much as they'd love to pick a tackle here, there's none available
that are worthy of the pick. Also, Gary Kubiak and Mike Shanahan
decided to gang up on my theory that teams running Denver's zone
blocking scheme would never he-evvvvveerrr pick running backs in the
first round...thanks guys, back to the drawing board for me.
19. - Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
With William "The Tackle Formerly Known as Tra" Thomas and Jon Runyan
starting to get up there in age, the Eagles begin their process of
restocking the cupboard at tackle with Gosder Cherilus of Boston
College...also, the award for strangest name in the first round goes
to...
20. - Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas
...this guy. I would have spoken too soon had I given the award for
strangest name to good ole' Gosder...sheesh, what's with these names?
It's not like they have normal names like Leodis...
21. - Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
The Redskins have been stockpiling smaller receivers for years.
Subsequently...they're um...quite frankly...tired of not being able to
go grocery shopping without lugging along the tackles and quarterbacks
that eat more...Kelly gives them a legit 6'5 prospect who can reach the
top shelf...and go for jump balls in the end zone...mostly the second
part...
22. (from Cleveland) - DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
Jerry Jones is angry with me...but he'll take the flashy receiver
product from Berkeley here, if for nothing else than to say "hey, I got
me a flashy receiver, it was all worth it!"
23. - Branden Albert, OG, Virginia
Height jokes continue here...fair warning, here it goes...Ben
Roethlisberger is hoping and praying for 6'4 receiver Limas Sweed of
Texas here, however, he's disappointed to find out that due to his
monstrosity of a contract, the Steelers front office has decided it's a
better investment to protect him with a 6'6 guard, giving the Steelers
another lineman who can look Ben in the eye.
24. - Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
Hmmm, now maybe they can hire Mack Brown as the offensive coordinator
and bring the zone-read to the pros...Vince can teach it to the team,
not using the whiteboard and markers in the classrooms, but by drawing
up the plays in the dirt with a stick. Brilliant!
25. - John Carlson, TE, Notre Dame
Carlson alleviated fears that he's slooooooow the other day at his pro
day. He managed to run a blazing fast 4.72 40 yard dash at Notre Dame's
pro day. What makes this blazing fast...the ghost of Ty Willingham is
haunting Notre Dame's facilities spending his days laughing
hysterically.
26. - Philip Merling, DE, Clemson
Defensive line is a need in Jacksonville right now, and with their
system being based off the overall strength of that unit, Merling's a
good fit here.
27. - Reggie Smith, S, Oklahoma
As much as they'd love to have taken Gosder Cherilus here...Reggie
Smith gives them a solid option to pair with Eric Weddle long term at
safety. Plus...Reggie Smith is a lot easier to say than Gosder
Cherilus...
28. (not from Cleveland) - Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
Hey! That guy from Arkansas finally takes a player from his alma mater! Just...not the one he wanted...sad day in Dallas really.
29. - Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
Devin Thomas is the best receiver left on the board at this point. He
could eventually be the number one they're looking to have emerge
here...or, he could join their crop of pretty good number 2's...either
way...
30. - Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
I still like Antoine Cason here, I really do. He just...ya know...makes sense in Green Bay in December...
31. - Kenny Phillips, S, Miami
Late first round Miami safety...now if only it'll work out like some
guy named Ed Reed did...thanks folks, you've been great. Stay tuned in
mid-April for The Mock: Version 3.0, 2008 Edition
- Chris Long, DE, Virginia
- Jake Long, OT, Michigan
- Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
- Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
- Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
- Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
(from 49ers) - Vernon Gholston, DE/OLB, The Ohio State University
- Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
- Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
- Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
- James Hardy, WR, Indiana
- Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
- Jeff Otah, OT, 
- Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
- Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
- Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State
- Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
- Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
- Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
- Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas
- Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
(from Cleveland) - DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
- Branden Albert, OG, Virginia
- Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
- John Carlson, TE, Notre Dame
- Philip Merling, DE, Clemson
- Reggie Smith, S, Oklahoma
- Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
- Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
- Kenny Phillips, S, Miami
