The Woof: The Mock, Version 1.0

[RaidenDAWG2]

Restore the Bark, Part I

By Chris "Raiden" Grewe, NFL Columnist
Volume 3, Issue 7

Restoring the Bark, Part III will appear in this space next week. But, in the spirit of the recently wrapped Combine in Indianapolis, it's only fair that The Woof busts out the ole' mocky machinerino and gets rollin' with The Mock: Version 1.0, 2007 edition.

And the best part, unlike the new Microsoft release, this one contains less than 60,000 bugs, but only because there's only 32 mistakes to make...hey, I'm bound to be right about SOMETHING in here, right?

Right?

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Without further Freddie Adu...The Mock: Version 1.0.
 

1	Raiders	JaMarcus Russell	Quarterback	LSU
		Al Davis regrets passing on a franchise quarterback last season in Matt Leinart. Taking Russell starts to make up for that mistake, not to mention he's a guy whose arm can cut through the stiff Bay Area winds and get the ball downfield...sounds like a perfect fit to me.
2	Lions	Joe Thomas	Offensive Tackle	Wisconsin
		Thomas is an elite prospect on the offensive line, these are the Lions, they need help on the offensive line...seems like a perfect fit...but he's not a wide receiver, so Matt Millen may not be happy with this choice.
3	Browns	Alan Branch	Nose Tackle	Michigan
		The Browns have had problems stopping the run since reentering the league in 1999. Branch fills this need in a big way.
4	Bucs	Calvin Johnson	Wide Receiver	Georgia Tech
		Have you ever seen Jon Gruden pass on an offensive weapon? Me neither, mainly because it's one of those "I'd let you see me pass on this offensive talent, but I'd have to kill ya" type of deals, so everybody who's ever seen it's already long since The Departed...no wait, departed, sorry, was thinking Oscars for a moment.
5	Cardinals	Jamaal Anderson	Defensive End	Arkansas
6	Redskins	Gaines Adams	Defensive End	Clemson
		I think the Redskins are a very likely candidate to move down, but then again, if that were to happen, who would Dan Snyder overpay this offseason? The waterboys (although I hear they're angling for a big money extension or a release to go to New York).
7	Vikings	Ted Ginn	Wide Receiver	Ohio State
		Yeah, I'm a nut, so what? 'Scuse me while I duck to avoid the rotten fruit being chucked my way by Vikings fans everywhere. I'll 'splain this pick in The Mock: Version 2.0, Anti-Airborne Fruit Edition.
8	Texans	Adrian Peterson	Running Back	Oklahoma
		Unlikely? Yes. Very unlikely? Yes. Could it happen? ...perhaps...
9	Dolphins	Amobi Okoye	Defensive Tackle	Louisville
		Offensive coach passes on star quarterback...where have I see this script before? Annnnnyways, yes, the Dolphins pass on Brady Quinn because their defensive line has gotten quite long in the tooth...in fact, the Dolphins equipment staff has had to replace one too many faceguards in the past year, not due to headbutting, but due to...Long Tooth Syndrome...and when you're getting those problems with the big fellas...yeah...mangled facemask...
10	Falcons	LaRon Landry	Safety	LSU
		I'm not sure which disturbs me more: the Falcons making a pick that makes perfect sense here, or two Tigers in the top ten...seriously folks, I fear being bitten by a couple tigers here...anybody got the number for animal control?
11	49ers	Adam Carriker	Defensive End	Nebraska
		Raiden Pipedream Killer pick right here. I had been secretly (and not so secretly) hoping Mr. Carriker fell to Round 2 for the past several months, but after a dominant Senior Bowl performance, and decent combine showing, I figure the best way to solve my problem is...to jinx him by giving him to a team I have only predicted right once out of the past three years.
12	Bills	Patrick Willis	Middle Linebacker	Ole Miss
		Willis is a guy who will rise up a lot of boards in the next few weeks. At the combine, he weighed in at 242 lbs. and still booked to a 4.49 40 time. Very solid football player who will be able to anchor the middle of the Bills defense.
13	Rams	Paul Pozluszny	Linebacker	Penn State
		The Rams lack a pass rushing end...is what I would say if Leonard Little hadn't posted double digit sacks last year...so the Rams pick up P. Poz, the next in line from Linebacker U.
14	Panthers	Brady Quinn	Quarterback	Notre Dame
		We scouts sure are a fickle bunch eh? After Jake Del-not-the-homme's performance last year, something must be done! This sounds like a job for...well, someone else, I'm too busy trying to figure out how to fix the Browns. Maybe that dude with the red cape's available?
15	Steelers	Leon Hall	Cornerback	Michigan
		The Steelers were not happy with the play of their corners last year. Leon Hall, it just so happens, plays corner...hmmm...do I smell a match?
16	Packers	Marshawn Lynch	Running Back	Cal
		Not exactly a combine sizzler, but a solid 40 time coupled with a solid college career SHOULD be enough for Lynch to make Cheeseheads everywhere say "Ahman who?"
17	Jaguars	Darrelle Revis	Cornerback	Pittsburgh
		Rashean Mathis...gold...Brian Williams...MSNBC newsanchor... ... ...I'm having trouble naming another Jags corner...
18	Bengals	Reggie Nelson	Safety	Florida
		Yep...this is the obvious pick here...although I don't think Nelson's rap sheet's long enough...or is that the Bengals of LAST year I'm thinking of?
19	Titans	Dwayne Jarrett	Wide Receiver	USC
		Jarrett goes to one of the few places in the NFL (Atlanta's another...until Schaub takes over) where being outran by your quarterback isn't necessarily embarrassing to a receiver...which is fine, because my grandmother just lapped him on the track at Indy, where he's reportedly still running that 40.
20	Giants	Antonio Pittman	Running Back	Ohio State
		Speed, savvy, smarts, smallish. Sounds like another back that just retired from the Giants...perhaps another thunder and lightning combo is in the offing here?
21	Broncos	Quinn Pitcock	Defensive Tackle	Ohio State
		The Broncos start to fix their defensive line issues with the anti-Gerard Warren. Smaller, quicker, smaller mouth, and very productive too.
22	Cowboys	Michael Griffin	Safety	Texas
		Griffin is like Roy Williams...he can deliver a lickin', but he's also unlike Roy Williams...he can cover...which is why the Cowboys pick him to play with Roy Williams.
23	Chiefs	Jason Hill	Wide Receiver	Washington St.
		Hill's lack of speed was exposed at the combine...no wait, I'm sorry...his perceived lack of speed was exposed...he ran a very pedestrian 4.32. Hill has the tools to be the number one receiver the Chiefs have lacked all these years.
24	Patriots	Anthony Gonzalez	Wide Receiver	Ohio State
		Smart, tough over the middle, fast, very smart, intelligent, solid football player, great route runner...did I mention intelligent? Is there any way this guy ends up NOT being a Patriot?
25	Jets	Chris Houston	Cornerback	Arkansas
		Be weary of the Razorback Cornerback in the first round...so warns the ghost of Ahmad Carroll's career...
26	Eagles	Sidney Rice	Wide Receiver	South Carolina
		Rice is a big tall receiver who could fit into the West Coast offense very well. Though he'll probably drop less balls than the Eagles last number one receiver, he'll probably drop fewer jaws too, but that's ok, he and Reggie Brown will be a solid tandem for Donovan McNabb to throw to.
27	Saints	Marcus McCauley	Cornerback	Fresno State
		Once thought to be a lock top fifteen selection, McCauley's stock dropped this year with subpar play. Well, it didn't help that his team won all of one game either. The Saints really screwed this one up for me by resignin Hollis Thomas...thanks guys, way to do something smart and ruin every 'Aints joke I had left in the book.
28	Patriots	Buster Davis	Inside Linebacker	Florida State
		The Pats would LOVE to see Patrick Willis fall to one of their picks, but let's face it, the guy's too much of a beast for that to happen, right...right??? Ah screw it, let's face it, the Pats get all the luck, so this pick is unlikely at best, but hey, for the moment, it works.
29	Ravens	Ben Grubbs	Offensive Guard	Auburn
		11 rushing touchdowns last season...you're the RAVENS for cryin' out loud, RUN THE DAMN BALL!!!...against everybody but Cleveland...
30	Chargers	Eric Weddle	Safety	Utah
		Weddle will upgrade the safety position for the Chargers. Whether it's in the department of interceptions or the department of number of bottles of cough syrup exported, that remains to be seen.
31	Bears	Greg Olsen	Tight End	Miami
		A week ago, he wasn't worthy of a first round pick. Shyaa, there's a reason they call it "last week", this week he's worthy of a first round pick by virtue of he run really fast for 40 yards twice.
32	Colts	DeMarcus "Tank" Tyler	Defensive Tackle	North Carolina State
		Here's a great idea. Replace one underachieving defensive tackle who can't stay in shape with another underachieving defensive tackle, this one who claims to have learned how to stay out of trouble. Then again, what's there to do in Indy to ACTUALLY get yourself in trouble?

[YoHoChecko]

Some notes: first of all, does the massive amount of space before the mock begins count as a bug? What about the lack of a Jamaal Anderson description... I'm smelling Microsoft, here

Secondly, you couldn't name a third Jacksonville CB, but later in the mock, you mentioned him: Ahmad Carroll...

...which is an excellent transition into the fact that the Jr CB from Arkansas that ran a blazing 40-time at the combine and is under 5'10" gets picked in the exact same draft slot 3 years later (25th)... weird; personally, I wish I could have traded Carroll for Houston.

Now, for the picks: I think Quinn Pittock is WAY early here, as is Buster Davis, who will slide due to height, and also doesn't fit the 3-4 that well. Gonzales may be a hair early, too (like 4 picks early, but to the right team).

I couldn't imagine the Colts drafting a DT like Tyler. The lazy nose tackle for the penetrating scheme.... eh, not loving it.

I also don't see Griffin and Weddle so high. I ran into the same problem when making my mock... so many teams have safety as their primary need, but there are not 4 first round safeties in this class. They're going to just draft something else in round one.

I think that's all I've got to say, there.