Ruuuuudiii: Good morning Raiden, and happy birthday. You have
officially reached the age of genius, but you'll never be more geniuser
than me. Prepare for a mock draft smack down. By the way, the title of
my mock, is the "smokescreen edition".
1.
Raiden: Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Leading off...Parcells was nice to us (how often does that happen?)
letting us know through his puppet, er, GM in advance that a defensive
player would be picked...then hit us like a sack of potatoes with an
offensive tackle. Wasn't that nice of him R(u)D(i)?
Ruuuuudiii: Jake Long, OT, Michigan
You see, that's where old age comes in. Unlike a certain little
Buckeye, I didn't have to change my mock an hour after writing it. It's
obvious Parcells needs to start at square one, and no better place to
start than solidifying tackle.
2.
RD: Chris Long, DE, Virginia
Yeah yeah yeah, that was last week, I was young and naive about the
ways of The Tuna then, give me a break. At least I'm not old enough to
remember him when he first took over the Giants two decades ago.
Speaking of things from two decades ago, Chris, Son of Howie, Long goes
to the Rams at two. Write it down in stone tablets...you have
experience with those, right?
R(u)D(i): Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State
Hey! You're talking to me, not Crunked here. Remember the whole
"smokescreen" draft thing I was talking about. Here's part one of it.
The talk for the last 2 days has been either Long or Dorsey here.
Dorsey is out, cause the Rams just went DT last year, and St. Louis
will end up picking the more freakishly talented DE, who may also end
up at LB. Versatility is key.
3.
R(u)D(i): Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Up until a day ago, I had Matt Ryan taken in this pick, but with three
2nd rounders, Atlanta will have someone to choose from then. Mike Smith
wants defense, and Dorsey may be the best tackle prospect since Sapp.
RD: Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
I'm going to go ahead and..concur with you here. Dorsey's the best
defensive player left here, and besides, they can trade back into the
first round later, thus completing my bold prediction of three
quarterbacks in Round 1, mwahahaha!
4.
RD: Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland
Oakland lacks one thing above all else: A still-competent not crazy
owner. They lack a second thing above all other else's: speed on
offense. McFadden gives them a home run threat that can take it to the
house any day of the week, much like R(u)D(i) and a run to the early
bird special at the nearest Denny's.
R(u)D(i): Chris Long, DE, Virginia
The problem is, the closest Denny's is 45 minutes away. Yes, you heard
it. I'm the one person in America 45 minutes away from a Denny's. As
for Al Davis, he's gonna draft son of Howie, slap the 75 jersey on him,
and reminisce.
5.
R(u)D(i): Brandon Albert, G/T, Virginia
This week's sign of the Apocalypse? Two Cavaliers drafted in the top 5.
At first glance, the fact that Dorsey, Long and Gholston are off the
board may be a bad thing for KC. But the offensive line is in a lot
more shambles than the defensive line, and Albert, at the very least,
will be a beast at guard for the next decade.
RD: Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
No, this week's sign of the Apocalypse, a Cavalier AND a Commodore
drafted in the top five. Yeah, that's right, a Commodore drafted higher
than Jay Cutler two years ago...who'd have thunk it?
6.
RD: Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
And Matt Ryan's fall ends in New York, which is ironic, because that's
where most falls from grace begin for quarterbacks. He'll be competing
for the media's love with the last two "the guys" at quarterback for
the Jets.
R(u)D(i): Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
Wow, I would just love to hear the Jet fans react to the Ryan pick.
It's not Kyle Brady over Warren Sapp, but Ryan over Gholston could be
close. But, they won't have to worry about either, since McFadden is on
the board. Mangini will call Mama McFadden, tell they really play in
tiny New Jersey, and she signs off on the deal.
7. (from 49ers)
R(u)D(i): Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Gholston is off the board, leaving the Pats with Rivers or one of the
CB's. But since the Patriots rely on a dominant front seven, Rivers
holds more value here. They can always go for a corner at #31. Oh wait,
no they can't.
RD: Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio State
The problem with Ryan over Gholston at 6 my friend: Gholston at 7 sacks
Ryan at 6...a lot...especially since they play twice a year for however
long their careers last. Gholston fills a growing hole at linebacker,
and he gets to learn from fellow Ohio State alum Mike Vrabel in New
England.
8.
RD: Leodis McKelvin, CB, Baltimore
And speaking of teams that'd wished Matt Ryan had fell past the
Jets...here's the Ravens, fresh out of highly touted quarterbacks!
Always a bad place to be if you represent Ozzie Newsome's bunch. They'd
love to deal back here and pick Michigan QB Chad Henne, giving me even
more reasons to hate this franchise, but I digress...speaking of things
from Michigan, here's R(u)D(i)!
R(u)D(i): Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Wow, that was the worst segue I've heard in, well, ever! But no
worries, Ryan is still on the board, so it will end up being Baltimore
that makes the mistake of drafting him too high. By the way, highly
disappointed that you didn't bring Scottish Raiden out to make the pick.
9.
R(u)D(i): Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Ellis, surprisingly, becomes the 2nd Trojan defender drafted, and
Bengal fans all over PSH breathe a sigh of relief. Not sure of
Herbstreit approves of Ellis' character, but he should be a stalwart at
the position for the next decade.
RD: Sedrick Ellis, DT, Cincinnati
Hell-oooooooooooooo, 'tis Scottish Raiden here to give yah the Bengals
selection! The Bengals need some defense, much like a Scotsman needs a
belt in windy weather, and it gets windy up here in the Highlands lads
and lassies lemme tell yah!
10.
RD: Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Speaking of teams that need defense...the Saints can throw the ball all
day if they want, but if they continue to fail to stop teams
defensively...doesn't bode well for them. R(u)D(i), you're out of
Trojan defenders, who praytell do you have them going after? Greeks?
R(u)D(i): Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
I'm not completely out, there's still Lawrence Jackson. But with the
top DT and LB talent off the board, the Saints settle for the top CB
talent. With Vilma, Gay and McCray already added to the defense, expect
them to be much improved.
11.
R(u)D(i): Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
I tried! I really tried giving them something other than a wide
receiver, but I just couldn't do it. Thomas wins this year's edition of
"Who's the best receiver?", timing his run at the end, leaving Sweed,
Jackson and Hardy behind.
RD: Devin Thomas, WR, Michigan State
Not coincidentally, he's faster than two of those three guys. Imagine
that! I've seen Thomas play live, and he's just as good as advertised.
There wasn't much good going for Michigan State offensively that
day...except Devin Thomas.
12.
RD: Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
Speaking of guys I've seen personally have good days...grrrr....I'm too
angry to say much about this pick. R(u)D(i), I hope you have to pick
someone here you equally despise...
R(u)D(i): Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
Uhm.........damn those Broncos (of Boise Sate). Wearing all that orange
and blue and stuff. I hate them so mu........ok, sorry can't do it.
Broncos (of Denver) are ecstatic that Clady is still on the board.
13.
R(u)D(i): Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
The Panthers could use an OT here as well, but Mendenhall is too good
to pass up. This will relegate DeAngelo Williams to second banana, but
the tandem should be excellent. I could see a trade down here as well.
Or, maybe one of the three QB's you so boldy predicted?
RD: Ryan Clady, OT, Boise State
Well now you're just copying me...in reverse. I think the Panthers go
passing game here and add a left tackle who can pass block to
complement dominant run blocker Jordan Gross on the other side.
Besides, Jake Delhomme looked lonely last year, he could use a new best
friend.
14.
RD: Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
My second of three first round quarterbacks. C'mon, SOMEBODY out there
has to agree with me that Brohm's still just as good as he was last
year when he was a surefire top five pick. Right? Right? It only takes
one of 32, er, sorry New England, 31 NFL GM's with a first round pick
to agree with me...
R(u)D(i): Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
A few days ago, I had Ryan at 3 and Brohm at 8. Then I had Chicago
taking Jackson, so Grossman can just chuck bombs his way. Instead,
here's Brohm. Will Grossman now have a Brees-like revival? We'll see.
As far as GM's with a first round pick, I'm fairly certain New England
was among those.
15.
R(u)D(i): Jerod Mayo, LB, Tennessee
The more I see this pick in other mocks, the more I like it. There's
also need at CB and DT, as well as RB, but the combo of Mayo and Sims
seems to mouth-watering to pass up.
RD: Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
Yes, they have a first round pick, but because of their mistake,
only...nevermind...A middle linebacker? Really? As much as I like Mayo,
you have to pass it up on sandwiches and in the middle of Round 1 when
there's a pass rusher on the board who can make the rest of your
defense look better by default.
16.
RD: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Tennessee State
The last first round picks from Tennessee State came in the mid-1970's,
when a guy named Ed "Too Tall" Jones went first to the Cowboys. You
might call Rodgers-Cromartie Dominique "Almost Too Tall" due to his
great height at the corner. Rolls off the tongue only slightly easier
than Dominique "Only One Kidney" Rodgers-Cromartie, which is really
just too long off a nickname.
R(u)D(i): Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
I seem to have misplaced my Raidenese to English dictionary, what did
you just say? Amyway, Arizona picks Edge's backfield partner and future
replacement.
17.
R(u)D(i): Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
You know, if Kansas City didn't have so many other early round picks, I
would seriously consider Williams or Otah here. But they do need to
find the Jared Allen heir at some point, so here it is.
RD: Phillip Merling, DE, Clemson
I agree, just with a different guy. Phillip Merling, despite the
injuries, is the best pure end available at this point. They're going
to need another pass rusher to replace Allen, now they've got one.
18.
RD: Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
The Texans would loooooove to get a franchise offensive tackle here,
but the talented running back from the University of Nike, er, Oregon,
comboed with the ready availability of tackles in Round 2 causes Gary
Kubiak & Co. to go for the flash over the substance here.
R(u)D(i): Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt
Yeah, I had Stewart in a Texans jersey for a couple months now, too bad
he's in Arizona. Instead, they get that franchise tackle they so
looooooooove to get, since there is also a plethora of runners
available later in the draft.
19.
R(u)D(i): Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
No Larry Fitzgerald, no Chad Johnson, no Randy Moss, no Anquan Bolden,
no Roy Williams. So, they take Sweed, who went to Roy's alma mater.
That's close enough, right?
RD: Branden Albert, OT, Pitt
No! Of course not! They're the Eagles, which means in the Andy Reid era
P.F. (Post-Freddie), they go...of course, LINE! Branden Albert gives
them a guy they can develop behind their current tackles, maybe even
slide him into guard for a year or two and let him learn the ropes
while giving Donovan McNabb a BIG excuse to perform well this year.
Receiver's deep enough they can get one later in this draft.
20.
RD: Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
Cason's the quintessential Cover 2 style cornerback. I really like this
guy in the home of the Tampa 2 defense, especially with his skills.
Could start for them for a long time. And now covering his favorite
team...R(u)D(i)!
R(u)D(i): Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
I've been propping up Cason to the Bucs for so many months now,
naturally, I'm picking someone else. I used to have Jenkins going
higher, and I'd be very happy with either. By the way, when do we get
to covering your favorite team?
21.
R(u)D(i): Philip Merling, DE, Clemson
The 'Skins need to get younger and faster on the edges, and Chris
Wilson isn't ready for the full time DE role yet. Merling fills a need
now, whereas a WR fills a need later. Plus, it's too early for a safety
here.
RD: James Hardy, WR, Indiana
The Redskins have been trying to get a bigger receiver all week. How bout a guy who's a legit 6'5 and runs under 4.5 in the 40?
22. (from Cleveland)
RD: DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
Conventional wisdom says if they don't trade up, they go for some flash
here...how bout some 4.35 speed for some speedy bling bling for an
offense eh?
R(u)D(i): Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
They have to make a decision here, Jones or Jackson? At the end, Jerry
won't go through the day without drafting an Arkansas running back,
especially with Seattle lurking before Dallas picks again.
23.
R(u)D(i): Jeff Otah, OT, Pittsburgh
Well, he's tall, but not a receiver. Doesn't matter though. Unless
Roethlisberger wants his tall receiver to pick him up off his back
after every play, the Steelers have to address bigger needs first.
RD: Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
Well, at least we agreed on the position here. Cherilus it the natural
fit at right tackle for them, even if it does mean they have to tell
Max Starks to enjoy his last $6 million paycheck from them next year.
24.
RD: Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
It's a Texas reunion in Tennessee! Seriously, two Houston area natives
playing for the Titans offense, it's like they never moved!
R(u)D(i): Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, CB, Middle Tennessee State
Well "One Kidney" may be a great character, I'm guessing professional
wrestling is not in the cards for DRC. He will, however, be a nice
replacement for Pacman, if only for the fact he'll be on the field.
25.
R(u)D(i): Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina
With the top tier backs off the board, Seattle addresses another need, a tackle who can complement Kerney on the line.
RD: Dustin Keller, TE, Purdue
Give Matt Hasselbeck another weapon, and he'll find a way to get him the ball just about as often as his other weapons.
26.
RD: Kentwan Balmer, DT, North Carolina
Butch Davis loves this guy, which is reason enough for me to back away
slowly with my hands up in the air...I still have a great deal of
hatred for the guy...I'm going to go stew while R(u)D(i) makes his
pick...
R(u)D(i): Calais Campbell, DE, Miami
What did Butch Davis ever do to you? Yeah, don't answer that. Balmer or
Sims would make a nice replacement for Stroud, but with Henderson still
manning the middle, outside help is even more important. Will he
carpool with Jason Taylor up I-95?
27.
R(u)D(i): Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College
The first round is not a time you look for role players, like LT's
backup. With Olivea cut, the Chargers need a tackle to play opposite
McNeil, and Cherilus fits the roll nicely.
RD: Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt
Heh, we just can't agree on which tackle's slightly better here can we?
With a lack of picks on this day, the Chargers look to go for a guy who
can start for them for a while.
28. (not from Cleveland)
RD: Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
Razorback goes to team owned by...former Razorback. Imagine that.
R(u)D(i): DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
So, the Cowboys are taking Jackson and Jones, only the order is not
certain. I think they're more interested in getting Jones first,
because of Seattle picking 25th. If Jackson is gone, there is still
talent at receiver available.
29.
R(u)D(i): James Hardy, WR, Indiana
He'll get some good mentoring from Martz and Bruce, so as long as Smith
can get the ball out to his targets, including Gore and Davis, the
offense should be well improved. Of course, they could have switched
their offense for that of the nearest high school, and it would have
improved on last year's results.
RD: Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
High school? Try good ole' San Francisco Poly Middle School down the
road, which was running a single wing offense with 13 and 14 year olds.
They might have been an improvement. Here, with no receivers worth it,
look for a trade down to pick up more selections later...or a
cornerback...
30.
RD: Brandon Flowers, CB, Virginia Tech
Nevermind what I think, Flowers is the conventional wisdom pick here,
much like conventional wisdom says that one funny mock is great, but
two in one...phenomenal. Anyone got a funny partner I can borrow?
R(u)D(i): Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
Don't make me get Petey to come over there and issue your birthday
beating. Right idea, wrong player for the Packers, but that seems to be
your trend throughout this mock.
31.
R(u)D(i): Aquib Talib, CB, Kansas
Well, this has been fun, let's do it again tomorrow. Talib ends up
finding his way back to the first round. As good as the defensive
pressure is, it would be nice to have a guy back there that can catch
an errand pass or two. And now, with the last pick of the first round,
Raiden chooses .........
Hey wait a minute, when did the Browns pick?
RD: Kenny Phillips, S, Miami
Sometime tomorrow. And by the way, it's you who's had right idea wrong
pick the whole way. The Giants indeed go defensive back, just not the
one you're thinking of. Perhaps you went out with Talib last night, eh?
(from 49ers)
(from Cleveland)
