By JJFmissing keyR
Published: November 20, 2008 PrintEmail
2009 is sneaking up on us quickly. It is shaping up to be a big year in the world. With the global economic situation and continuing tension around certain parts of the globe, we all wait anxiously to see what the future holds.
But, more importantly, what does 2009 hold in store for the football world? Well, John Clayton isn’t the only person with ‘reliable sources’. Your inside source getter, jjflr, has a few of his own and they are sharing some VERY interesting things with me.
Over the next several weeks, I will bless the world with this inside information. I know, I know ………….. you’re anxious to hear it all at once, but good things come to those who wait. Today, I give you ‘Edition 1’ of the official jjflr 2009 Predictions:
Excitement Up North, Eh?
Frustrated by the lack of interest from the NFL, Jim Fassel will accept the offer from the Toronto Argonauts of the CFL to become their head coach for the 2009 season. His first move is to talk Doug Flutie out of retirement. Then, more good fortune will shine on him, as Ricky Williams and PacMan Jones will both get suspended permanently from the NFL for more transgressions.
Canadian Prime Minister Doug Flutie
With Flutie at the helm, Ricky running the rock, and PacMan shutting down half of the field at corner, the Argonauts will finish the season undefeated, winning the CFL championship and beating their opponents by a minimum of 60 points every game.
Unfortunately for Fassel, the NFL will not be impressed and interest in him as a head coach will not improve.
Tyree Sighting
In Super Bowl XLIII, the New York Giants will once again knock off an 18-0 team seeking perfection, with a 17-14 come-from-behind victory over the Tennessee Titans. On the game winning drive, Eli Manning will escape the clutches of 3 Titans pass rushers, heaving a pass downfield to David Tyree, who will make an amazing catch off of his helmet …… while on crutches.
Tyree Will Duplicate This Catch On Crutches
The referees will allow play to continue not knowing that Tyree was technically supposed to be on the Injured Reserve list and should not be in the game. The Giants will drive in for the game-winning TD and hoist another SB trophy. The next day, the NFL will announce, “yes, we now realize that the refs screwed up but it’s too late now.”
Finally! College Playoff!
Barack Obama and Mike Leach, head coach of the Texas Tech Red Raiders, will work together to draw up plans for the new college playoff format. They decide that since March Madness is such a success, more teams must be a good thing. They agree that 128 teams will make the college playoffs each year.
Bracketologists Everywhere Rejoice!
When they are informed that there are only 120 Division 1 schools in football, the gentlemen will agree to take the top teams from the lower divisions and include them in the playoff format also. The first game of the new playoff format, which is coined ‘December, January, and February Madness’, ends with USC defeating Division III Mount Union 173-0 in a 1 vs. 32 match-up. Twelve Mount Union players will be sent to the hospital during the game.
The playoff format will be scrapped immediately, along with any remnants of the BCS system and all college post-season play will revert to the original bowl format, making Big 10 fans very happy.
A Whole New World
Tom Brady will come back to much fan fair for the 2009 regular season after successfully completing rehab. The New England Patriots, however, will barely resemble the team he knew from 2007, with several players retiring and the remaining few getting even longer in the tooth.
Tom Brady: Just a Regular Guy
The Patriots will fail to win a game the whole season, going 0-16, and adding to their list of ‘firsts’ in the NFL record books.
We Need To Throw Deep
Looking to fill his vacant head coaching slot, the maverick Al Davis will once again shock the football world, hiring Scott Fisher, the strength and conditioning coach from Division II Northwood University in Michigan to be his head man. When asked for an explanation, Davis says he and Fisher both agree that they need to throw the ball downfield more.
GO TIMBERWOLVES !!!!!
Upon further review, we will learn that the new Oakland Raiders coach has never been a head coach at any level. The relationship won’t last long. Davis and Fisher won’t see eye to eye on play calling and the strength and conditioning coach from Northwood U. will be fired after week 3 of the 2009 season.
